What Should a Surrogate Mother Do While Waiting to Match with Intended Parents?

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Surrogacy is such a special experience and one that you, as the surrogate mom, will want to share with the right intended parents.

Getting to know the intended parents

Once you’ve made up your mind to be a surrogate mother and go through the screening process carried out by the surrogate agency, it’s time to find a pair of intended parents. Ideally, the surrogacy agency will help match you with a couple that fits in with the description you’ve given of your desired intended parents.

When a match is made, the surrogacy agency will let both parties know and you’ll soon be scheduled for an in-person meeting or a teleconference call. This will be your initial contact with the intended parents.

What to look out for when interviewing potential intended parents

Surrogacy is a process that can take well beyond nine months, and therefore it is one that requires you to be paired up with a couple that shares the same goals and values as you do.

As you build a relationship with the intended parents, always trust your intuition or gut feeling. If you don’t feel like you and the intended parents are a good fit, it’s perfectly fine to discuss your concerns with your surrogacy specialist before the surrogacy process begins and papers are signed.

Be wary of intended parents who exhibit any of the following behaviors:

  •        Discourage the signing of legal papers and contracts
  •        Don’t appear to care about your well-being as the surrogate mother
  •        Constantly complain about the cost of the entire process
  •        Hide the surrogacy agreement from their family and friends
  •        Lack of proper support systems
  •        Aren’t keen to engage you in conversation

Additional things to consider when pairing with intended parents

Surrogacy is a unique relationship that requires careful consideration and planning, especially where communication is concerned. Here are a few points to think about and discuss with the intended parents.

  • How do you prefer to connect with the intended parents?

How often do you plan to communicate with each other? What communication means will you use? Will you text, call, or email? It is not unusual for some surrogates and intended parents to opt for a more professional relationship. Tell your match manager ahead of time what kind of communication you’d like to have with intended parents and they’ll help match you up with intended parents with similar surrogate matching preferences.

  • Will the intended parents come to medical appointments?

Do you wish the intended parents to be present at the appointments? If they live locally, they might like to come. If they live out of state perhaps Skyping or FaceTiming might be a viable option. One of the key points you should not forget is to write a birth plan and share it with the intended parents ahead of time to avoid conflicts.

  • Will there be future contact between you and the intended parents?

Surrogacy agreements tend to end when the baby is born. Some intended parents might not wish to have ongoing contact with the surrogate mother. Others don’t mind sending an occasional picture. Discuss the type of contact you wish to have with each other when the baby is born.

The importance of working with the right surrogacy agency

Joy of Life is one of the premier surrogacy agencies in California. We walk with you through the entire surrogacy process from start to finish. We help match you with intended parents who share a common surrogacy plan, values, and beliefs. You don’t have to do this alone.

Keen to learn more about our surrogacy program? Contact us today.

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