Becoming A Surrogate Mother In California When Married - Joy of Life

Are you married but seriously considering surrogacy and becoming a surrogate mother?

If yes, good for you!

Becoming a surrogate mother in California is a truly selfless undertaking.

Helping another couple or intended parent start or grow their family can be a life-changing event – not only for them, but for you, your spouse, and your family.

Pursuing surrogacy when married is the type of decision you need to first sit down with your partner and have an honest conversation about because surrogacy will alter the dynamics of your home life and your relationship.

Surrogacy professionals encourage potential surrogates to embrace the surrogacy journey with their immediate family as having their support is important for a healthy and successful pregnancy.

1.   What Makes Being Married More Challenging As A Surrogate

One of the biggest obstacles to surrogacy, when one is married, is a misconception of how the child is conceived. Your partner will be relieved to know that no intimacy is required between the surrogate mother California and the donor of the sperm.

In addition to the misconceptions, couples will have to discuss the emotional and psychological turmoil that comes with surrogacy. For example, some men struggle with having sexual intercourse knowing their wives are with a child – a child that is not theirs.

Another side to surrogacy is dealing with society, receiving congratulations but having to explain the situation at hand.

2.   What Happens If Your Spouse Isn’t Onboard

Surrogacy specialists will not pursue surrogacy if the spouse isn’t on board. Pregnancy is difficult enough as it is without the added pressures and strain between the surrogate and an unwilling spouse.

Surrogacy agencies require a potential surrogate mother in California to have a solid support system. And this is often times the immediate family. Hence an unsupportive spouse makes the pursuit of surrogacy harder.

Another reason surrogacy agencies require a willing partner is because, the spouse also has to undergo psychological assessment alongside the surrogate, so your spouse’s support is vital.

3.   Talking To Your Spouse About Surrogacy

How does one begin the conversation about surrogacy with their spouse? Well, before you even broach the topic with them, you must do as much research on the subject matter as possible and find answers to the questions your partner is likely to raise.

Entering the conversation from an informed point of view will show them how serious you are and how much their support means to you. They might not be on board the first time you have the conversation. That’s alright. Give them time to do their own research and then revisit the issue a few weeks or months later.

If they are open to the idea, you may even suggest going to a surrogacy specialist to inquire and have the finer details such as laws that protect surrogate mothers explained to both of you before taking the next step.

4.   Dealing With Common Misconceptions

The best way to deal with the common misconceptions that often surround surrogacy is to be knowledgeable about the process.

Many people are ignorant about surrogacy and it will take patience to explain to them what the process entails. Realizing that this can be a teaching moment for them can help you as the surrogate mother in California develop a strategic approach to address their queries and curiosity.

Gestational surrogacy involves rounds of in vitro fertilization (IVF) in order for a viable embryo to be created and implanted into your uterus. Having a good grasp of this process will prove beneficial when explaining to others and dispelling one of the biggest misunderstandings – how surrogates become pregnant.

5.   Being A Surrogate Mother in California With Kids

If you have children, be as open as you can with them about what you are about to do. Depending on their ages, the conversation might be easier to have or require a little bit more preparation.

You do not have to go into too much depth with the younger children but do emphasize key points such as the importance of this pregnancy for the intended parents (so they realize there won’t be a baby coming home when mommy delivers).

6.   Dealing With Questions From Your Kids

Children are naturally inquisitive. Don’t deflect their questions. You can have the conversation about mommy being pregnant at the onset of your medical treatment or when the pregnancy begins to show.

For the older children, it may even be a good idea to have the discussion before the pregnancy because family dynamics will change. You will need more help around the house and having the children cooperate and assist with additional chores will be beneficial for you.

Your support group (offline or online) and surrogacy specialist can recommend resources to help start the conversation with your own kids.

7.   Understanding The Emotional Toll On Your Spouse

There is no denying the fact that surrogacy is an emotionally complex event for all involved. Moments that will be emotionally difficult for your spouse include the time when you are taking fertility medication ahead of the embryo transfer where you must abstain from sexual intercourse.

Another challenge will present itself in decreased libido on the surrogate mother’s part. If your partner is a man, they have to contend with this and the idea that you are carrying someone else’s baby.

Pregnancy also comes with risks. You must understand your spouse’s fears, concerns, and the sacrifices they are making on your behalf as you pursue this altruistic gesture.

8.   How Being A Surrogate Can Help Your Family

You may wonder if becoming a surrogate can help your own family? Yes, it can. In fact, being a surrogate can teach your children very important lessons such as the gift of life, helping strangers, and selflessness.

Other ways surrogacy can help your family? A lot of surrogates and their families go on to become lifelong friends with their intended parents and their family.

Lastly, a surrogate mother in California does receive financial compensation which while not a fortune can be a sizeable amount for some families.

9.   How Your Spouse Can Help During Surrogacy

There are lots of ways your spouse can show their support during your surrogacy. For example, they can make extra effort to talk to you and be open about how they are also feeling.

They can go with you to your doctor visits especially if the intended parents live out-of-state and cannot be there all the time.

Your spouse can also take on more house chores and mind the children. They can offer emotional support and encouragement. The occasional massage and being understanding go a long way too!


Being a surrogate mother in California when married isn’t impossible. However, it will require you to be well-prepared to broach the topic with confidence, knowledge, wisdom, and skill.

Your partner may be unsure, skeptical, and unsupportive at first, but as they see how important this is for you to do, they may change their mind with time.

Don’t lose hope if at first, it appears they will never give their consent and support.

Encourage them to learn more about the process and have honest discussions with surrogacy specialists if need be.

If you and your spouse would like to learn more about surrogacy in California, don’t hesitate to reach out to our consultants here at Joy of Life Surrogacy.

Joy of Life

Author Joy of Life

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